We all talked and I put on a fake smile for the sake of my children. My WW went into bed w/our youngest and fell asleep. I stayed up, confused, not knowing how to feel about everything, not knowing what tomorrow would bring, a state of helplessness.
Well, damn she came back to business-as-usual home life. I thought from what you posted that at least your oldest had some knowledge of her transgressions? Did you sleep in the same bed the past 2 nights? If you can, change that ASAP.
Time to talk. 95% of the talk was about me, and my transgressions (of course) and how she hates me for the fact that she may now only get to see the kids 50% of the time (custody). I tried reminding her that cheating was a choice and that she made that choice regardless of what I had done previously. I also told her that even if we had already split up prior, sleeping with a married man, a man who you work with, is wrong on so many levels as it is, so please take some accountability for your actions. That didn't go over well. After awhile, i just gave up and told her that I'm done allowing her to hurt me verbally - her actions were enough, but the verbal abuse, I just can't, and won't, deal with anymore.
Blame shifting. Hope you were able to use Bigger's lines, at least one time, in your conversation with your WW. Get used to telling her "I'm sorry you feel that way" repeatedly when she tries to blame you and throw stuff at you. Tell her that and then walk away. Leave the house if you can. The goal, though, is to avoid as many of the conversations as you can. The first conversation is almost unavoidable, ok you have gotten it over with, Beetrain. From here on out: 180!180! 180! You are a gray rock to her! Limit the conversations to the children and logistics of the house. No feelings, no emotions. Do not conduct an 'autopsy' of your marriage at this time. She's going to want to do this so she can blame you and give her some sort of validation and justified reason for her affair and actions. Do not give her the opportunity to do so.
You will soon learn that more contact with her just leads to more hurt for you.
I don't know if you told her explicitly that you've retained an attorney. If you have, you can always refuse to discuss anything and tell her to talk to your attorney.
I hope your attorney is filing the Petition for Divorce soon. In Texas, you cannot serve your wife yourself so it will have to be by a process server. Since you both work from home, you will need to discuss with your attorney when your WW will be served. I highly advise that you make yourself scarce that day. Heck, if there's any night to grab a hotel room, that will be the night to do so. Unless, that is, you and your attorney are seeking primary residency of the house through a Temporary Order, then your WW will need to find a place to go. I hope you discussed this with your attorney.
