SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

^ yes I agree with that.

In order to heal WHILE staying with your WS, you need the whole truth.
If they leave or the BS leaves, what actually happened and the truth of it isn’t as important. Time and distance healed me, along with a rotation of 20 year olds. (Hey, I was still young then too!)

Am I correct if I assume that you married her to you make each other happy? So If she doesn't see it that way, what is the sense of the marriage again?

Another issue, as I understand she is eagerly working on herself with her therapist, but honesty, atonement and real reconcilation is not part of the curriculum. So what difference does her working on herself make to you? That she feels better about herself? Just tell her that you overreacted and you are good, job done, money saved.

You sound like sharp minded person, but somehow you fall deeper and deeper into the rabbit hole, where you talk yourself into having no boundaries. Think about that. Read about repeated prisoner dilemma and the winning strategies, they apply especially well to situations with little to no empathy.

[This message edited by Itiswhatitis000 at 1:15 AM, Friday, July 10th]

I think BraveSirRobin is absolutely right about everything she wrote. Read her post again and then again. Let her words sink in, brother.

She told me, "My therapist has told me over the last few sessions that I am not to try and make you happy, or try to help you in any way. I have to heal myself and that is my only priority. You have to heal you and that is not my concern."

From my own personal experience and from reading from other members most therapists are fucking clueless about infidelity and its consequences. My sister is a therapist with a Masters degree and she's equally fucking clueless (although we've had some discussions about it lately and I'm trying to educate her). Two of the three therapists I've seen in the last decade were equally fucking clueless (the exception having been a BH!).

Even if this therapist never said this, which is entirely possible, your WW's attitude is shockingly cold, callous and indifferent.

Man, I've been around here for a long time. I've followed the stories of too many members to even remember. I try very hard to impart the knowledge, insight and wisdom that I've gained here, from my own journey, and all of books and countless articles I've read over the years. I try very hard to remain as neutral as I can when it comes to members reconciliation or divorcing. I honestly don't care which road a member takes, because it's not my life to live.

My only hope is to help people survive infidelity and find peace.

If I've learned anything in my near 60 years being human, it's that peace of mind, body and spirit is the single greatest gift we can give to ourselves. It is precious.

My advice to you at this point is go gray rock, hard core 180, and start the process towards divorce.

I know that you still love the woman you thought you knew. That woman was never there. You saw only what she wanted you to see.

I'm so incredibly sorry you're going through this nightmare. You strike me as a truly good man, honorable and worthy.

Find your peace, Gemmy.

My initial thought is she is stalling for time to get her own ducks in a row for whatever she is planning to do

I had given my wife a list of questions that I wanted answered and she too stalled, long enough to get through the Christmas holiday. When I got her answers it caused a shitstorm. She purposely delayed answering them so we could get through the holidays. She told me she was taking her time to make sure she was thorough because she knew if she missed something and it came up later it would be even worse

BS. She stalled long enough to get through the holidays