limerickence (original poster new member #87177) posted at 12:06 AM on Tuesday, March 24th, 2026
Hi, I'm new here and I don't know which forum to post in so I thought I'd start here in General but please direct me to somewhere more suitable if appropriate. Here are the bare bones of my situation (I will add more detail once I know where best to do so).
- My wife and I have been together for 31 years, married for 21 of them.
- Last year she turned 50, and at her birthday party she had sexual relations with two other people.
- She confessed pretty much straight away and we entered into a fairly intense period of hysterical bonding.
- I am prone to overthinking and wanted to understand what it all meant.
- She is prone to compartmentalising, saw it as a stupid mistake and wanted to move on.
- For me this experience has made me count the blessings of our relationship, which are many, and this has made me fall in love with her all over again.
- For her she wants everything to go back to normal, and we have always lived quite independent lives.
- It's not the infidelity I'm finding difficult, it's the topsy turvy nature of our responses to it.
- I feel like I have to force myself to be distant to keep her from feeling smothered.
- I find myself second guessing whether she is less affectionate now, or whether it was always like this but more equal before (I think I've always been more affectionate than her).
Has anyone else been in a similar situation? How did you navigate it?
This0is0Fine ( member #72277) posted at 12:20 AM on Tuesday, March 24th, 2026
She wants to rugsweep, which is normal for a wayward. There is no way you are going to feel safe again if you don't understand why and how she made the decision to betray you. Which she absolutely did. Don't let her hide behind the word "mistake". This is because mistakes have way different levels of occurence. Putting salt into your coffee instead of sugar is a "mistake" but was not a decision. Fighting a landwar in Russia is a "mistake" and is a horrible decision. Your wife's ONS is somewhere in between, but she didn't do it on accident.
Why did she make the decisions she made? How will she avoid those decisions next time? What was the lead up to this event like?
STD test. Complete written timeline (polygraph to confirm no other instances of cheating).
Love is not a measure of capacity for pain you are willing to endure for your partner.
