Me: BS 60. Him: WS 56 Dday : 5.21.2024

One year D-day anniversary approaching

Hi all. My one year d-day "anniversary" is in a few weeks. I posted in JFO a few times in the immediate aftermath and got much support from the wonderful folks here. Since then, while I haven’t posted, I have lurked and have learned SO much from everyone’s experiences and advice. Thanks to everyone who posts their questions and to all who answer and provide much-needed support.

I consider us to be in R but know that if things get too painful, I can and will walk away - and he knows that too. I am extremely fortunate (?) that while my WH cheated, he pretty much immediately admitted it when I found out and confronted him. There was really no TT and since day one he has been a "model" WS (broke it off with and cut off all contact with his AP, immediately got into IC, is always willing to talk with me and listen when I need to in spite of it being uncomfortable for him, having totally open and honest conversations, doing little things throughout the day to show that I and our relationship are a priority for him, showing real remorse, telling me how much I mean to him, gave me access to all his devices, etc., etc.). However, and I know from reading here that this is normal, I am really struggling as the one year mark approaches. I still lapse into wondering how he could have done this, why he couldn’t be the husband he is now without the betrayal, etc. I have had my moments over the past year but it feels particularly acute now. He understands ( he has done a TON of reading about infidelity, how to help me recover from it, and done a lot of work to figure out how he got to the point where he cheated) and is trying to do what he can to make it less painful for me.

I guess I’m just looking for suggestions on how best to get through this period, although I suppose it’s no different than what I have been doing - accepting my feelings, allowing myself to feel the emotions, and then discussing them with him after I’ve processed them. But if anyone has any other suggestions, I would love to hear them.

Infidelity just really, really sucks.

3 comments posted: Friday, May 2nd, 2025

Is it better to have details of the A?

So I saw a few emails between my WS and his AP but read just enough to figure out what was going on. I really want to read them all because I have this strong urge to learn all the details so I know the extent of it. Is that a bad idea? Just wondering what others have done and how it impacted any RC.

I have a therapy appointment later today and I’ll go over it with her but just was wondering how others handled this situation.

24 comments posted: Saturday, May 25th, 2024

Help for Newbie

Hi all. Newbie here looking for support. Found out yesterday that my husband has been cheating on me with a man. I always knew he was bi but he convinced me he loved me and enjoyed sex with me. 30 years later, he’s retired with Parkinson’s and I’m working full time and helping care for him. He’s 56 and was diagnosed 17 years ago.

I don’t know how to get through this. The pain is so intense it’s actually physical. My whole world has been blown up.

Someone please tell me it gets better.

14 comments posted: Thursday, May 23rd, 2024