SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I know I am talking about other issue in my other thread, but one issue is bothering me. Not just on a physical level, but also on a physiological level. I am starting another thread because I feel it is another issue to deal with. Before my wife's affair, she had gained weight. I didn't care. I was still totally obsessed with being with her. To me, she was still as perfect as when we met and got together in college. I mean that seriously. I wanted her constantly. After her affair, I notice the wrinkles, the weight, the sagging. I hate it. I hate it so much. Like I said in my other post, maybe I need to move on, but I hate the idea of it. I have returned to counseling to help me, but I feel like I am fighting myself sometimes.

I think I know what you are talking about.

Before DD I never really look looked at my H, I loved him for him, not what he looked like but of course, I’ve always been highly attracted to him. After DD, I don’t exactly know how many months after?, possibly 4-6 months I guess, I actually started to really look at him.

It’s like you see them in a whole new light, you see every single flaw and clearly see that they ain’t all that!.
Perfectly normal IMO.

My H said to me on more than one occasion ‘ I always came home to you’ as if he believed somewhere in his tiny little brain then, that made him still believe he was a good man (insert John Jonah Jameson laugh here)I asked him to look at himself, then actually look at me, not only that but I told him how he’d devalued himself now, anyone can have a cheater, they’re ten a penny, I could have an orderly Que of men like you but you?!, any decent woman would not touch you with a barge pole.

You’ll strip her back to her bare bones and when you do, you’ll have to figure out if she’s worthy of YOU!, decide if you think she’s worth the effort, wrinkles, weight and sagging included.

She has a lot of work to do.

Her affair caused you to see her in a different light - physically and metaphorically.

Only you can decide if you want to move forward in this new light.

I understand what you are saying too. It's like you see your spouse differently. In a whole other light. You wonder who your spouse is.

Mine was the opposite. He began working out again for many hours a day (yes, it turns out that he was spending some of that time having sex with women and sexting, but he still worked out a lot). He lost a lot of weight, and his muscles came back to where they were when were teens. He looks fantastic.

But I still looked at him differently. Who was the person I married? How did my amazing husband do these disgusting things?

I'm too new to know but I'm guessing it's a normal part of the process.

It’s not just about the physical appearance.

The person who cheated becomes "ugly" inside & out.

My H is very good looking. But for years after his affair I didn’t see him that way. I had to deal with the pain and trauma and anger he forced upon me.

As things improved in our relationship I started to view him differently. It took a very long time to see him in a better light - both physically and emotionally.

Then again for some people cheating is a dealbreaker.

I know it was in all of my past ( before marriage) relationships. It was over that instant I found out.